Too often I find myself thinking too much about what will happen after I accomplish this or what will happen after this event occurs. Too often I find myself thinking all about things that will or may happen in the future and forget to live in the here and now. I forget to appreciate everything I have. I worry too much about things that I may not have in the future. I worry way too much about my future.
I was thinking about how I focus too much on the future today, and, suddenly, it hit me. If I'm focusing all my thoughts, time, and focus on the future, what am I doing in the present? And doesn't what I do or don't do in the present affect my future anyway? I realized that if I focus too much on whatever may or may not be my future I'm going to lose a lot here in the present that could have been in my future.
Instead of focusing on everything that could happen and will eventually happen, I think I really need to do more of seeing the present for what it is, seeing life for what's happening now. The present is my life now. The past affects what I do and who I am now, and the future is affected by what I do now, but either way I'm here in the now, not in the past or future. I can only live this present time of my life at this present time of my life. There are memories to be made and happiness to be found, and the last thing I need to focus all my attention on is worrying about what may or may not happen in the future.
Do I even think the future should be thought about here in the present? Of course! One still has to prepare himself or herself for the life ahead of them, but one cannot live in the future only prepare for it. I shouldn't live for tomorrow but for today. I can prepare for tomorrow today, but I'm still living today. Today, right now, that's where it's at.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Bethlehem
Bethlemen. The tiny town of the Bible. Bethlehem. Small and insignificant. Barely a blip on the radar screen. Bethelehem was just a small city. It wasn't important; yet God chose to use it. He chose a king from that small city. He promised that Bethlehem would not be forgotten. About a thousand year later, Joseph and his wife to be, Mary, make their way to Bethlehem, which by this time is known as the city of David. Soon it is to be known by yet another name. As Mary and Joseph make their way through this small city, which is probably crawling with people because of the census, they finally make to probably the only inn in the entire town only to discover that there is no room. But I'm sure that in seeing Mary's extremely pregnant belly the innkeeper did the best he could for the couple and made them as comfortable as possible in his stable. Though I know God's timing is best, you would think that Jesus could have picked a much better time to enter the world; but He chose that night in that stable in Bethlehem. For a small, insignificant town, Bethlehem surely does have a lot going on inside it's gates.
"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be a ruler over Israel, whose origins are from old, from ancient times." Micah 5:2
"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be a ruler over Israel, whose origins are from old, from ancient times." Micah 5:2
Monday, December 20, 2010
Pride
Life is funny. We don’t always get what we want, and sometimes we just have to deal with the plate we’ve been handed and make it the best we can. I’m not saying things are hopeless. On the contrary, I believe life is quite hopeful. All we need is a place to start. All we need is someone to turn on the light and wake us from our slumber. Sometimes all we need is that one shake to wake us, and sometimes it takes an earthquake. Sometimes we think we can just save ourselves; but that’s never actually true. No one, no one person can save himself. It takes at least one light, one push, one voice to move someone else. In reality, it is as easy as stepping away from all the hurt and shame and be changed, to become the person we want to be; at least, it’s an easy concept.
There are many steps, many things that must first be done. There’s a lot that must be thrown out and forgotten. There’s pride that must be squashed. Yes, there’s pride because pride is the root of everything bad and evil. There’s always pride. Pride is what holds onto the things that hurt. Pride is what tells you that you can do this all alone, that you need no help. Pride is what tells you you’re fine when you’re obviously falling apart. Pride is the first thing to come, and it has to be the first thing to go because to admit you need to help, to accept help is to let go of pride and be courageous in your weakness. Pride is a hindrance, a block-aid, simply a problem. Before you take another step, let go of pride. Otherwise, every other step you take is useless, good for nothing.
As soon as you let go of pride, I think you’ll see that everything else soon seems to let go of you. So if you think pride is the one thing you have left, you’re wrong. It’s the one thing you have left stopping you from getting to the rest of your life. So let go of pride and let every regret, every pain, every sorrow, every thing that has ever hurt you or caused you to lose sleep fall away. Let go of pride. Let someone help you. Let a friend know how life is truly going, what battle you’re truly fighting inside. Let go of pride and be transparent. I think you’ll find more acceptance than you imagined.
Pride stops you from changing your mind. Pride stops you from trying something new. Pride stops you from living a dream, and pride may also keep you trying to live a dream that can never happen. Pride stops you from asking a question or getting help. Pride is what stops you from applying to that college or applying for that job. Pride is even what stops that boy from asking out that girl. But most importantly, pride is what stops us from trusting the plans that God has and living them. Pride tells us we need to have our own plans in case God’s plans don’t work out. Pride is faithless.
So this is to everyone. It’s to you, and it’s to me. Pride is the problem for all of us. Pride is the problem for you. Pride is the problem for me. It’s at the heart of every sin, every problem, every shame. It’s pride. Pride is the problem.
There are many steps, many things that must first be done. There’s a lot that must be thrown out and forgotten. There’s pride that must be squashed. Yes, there’s pride because pride is the root of everything bad and evil. There’s always pride. Pride is what holds onto the things that hurt. Pride is what tells you that you can do this all alone, that you need no help. Pride is what tells you you’re fine when you’re obviously falling apart. Pride is the first thing to come, and it has to be the first thing to go because to admit you need to help, to accept help is to let go of pride and be courageous in your weakness. Pride is a hindrance, a block-aid, simply a problem. Before you take another step, let go of pride. Otherwise, every other step you take is useless, good for nothing.
As soon as you let go of pride, I think you’ll see that everything else soon seems to let go of you. So if you think pride is the one thing you have left, you’re wrong. It’s the one thing you have left stopping you from getting to the rest of your life. So let go of pride and let every regret, every pain, every sorrow, every thing that has ever hurt you or caused you to lose sleep fall away. Let go of pride. Let someone help you. Let a friend know how life is truly going, what battle you’re truly fighting inside. Let go of pride and be transparent. I think you’ll find more acceptance than you imagined.
Pride stops you from changing your mind. Pride stops you from trying something new. Pride stops you from living a dream, and pride may also keep you trying to live a dream that can never happen. Pride stops you from asking a question or getting help. Pride is what stops you from applying to that college or applying for that job. Pride is even what stops that boy from asking out that girl. But most importantly, pride is what stops us from trusting the plans that God has and living them. Pride tells us we need to have our own plans in case God’s plans don’t work out. Pride is faithless.
So this is to everyone. It’s to you, and it’s to me. Pride is the problem for all of us. Pride is the problem for you. Pride is the problem for me. It’s at the heart of every sin, every problem, every shame. It’s pride. Pride is the problem.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Reasons I'm Never First...
Before you jump to conclusions and believe this is me throwing a pity party for myself, let me explain. These aren't going to be reasons why I'm never picked first, or why I have to wait for things, or why I'm not someone's first choice or anything like that. No, it's not going to be a pathetic, pity party. It's simply an explanation.
Whether it be face-to-face, a phone call, texting, or instant messaging (if you're still into that), I hate being the first one to say something. I hate being the first one to engage in conversation. It's not because I hate people or hate talking to them. On the contrary, I think people are awesome, and I love to talk. I just hate being the first one to talk.
Why? I guess there are actually a few reasons as to why I hate being the first one to talk, text, or message. First off, I'm already kind of awkward, which some may say is cute while some believe it just makes me weirder. The likelihood that the first thing I say, if I must speak first, is awkward is probably a seventy-five percent chance. I try to avoid being more awkward than necessary so please don't think I'm standoffish or rude if I haven't talked to you. Just realize I don't want to be more awkward than I have to.
The second reason I hate being the first person to talk is the fact that I'm afraid the person I'm talking to doesn't really care to talk to me. Why? Well, because I'm starting the conversation, and they're not. Maybe that's why they hadn't talked to me first to begin with. If I do start a conversation with you, know that I've already had a "what if this" "what if that" talk in my head for quite a while before I've said anything. I just don't want to be annoying or disliked, which is pretty much not completely one hundred percent preventable. It would make things a lot easier if people would talk to me first. That way I actually know you do want to talk to me. I guess that only really makes life easier for me. Sorry...
The third and final reason I'll give for not wanting to talk to someone first is that I don't want to appear to be stalking or throwing myself at a guy that I like. It kind of goes along with reason number two I suppose. Mostly, I just don't want to be annoying. It's pretty much just reason number two again mixed with a guy that I like.
So, Audrey, what's the point of this blog? Well, the point is to say that I have a fear of talking to people first. I also have a fear of being disliked; but you can't please everyone. And if you're doing something right, then there will most likely be people who don't like you. Maybe this is all a pride issue or just me being paranoid, but I thought I'd at least alert people to the reason for my madness. If I haven't talked to you in awhile, it really doesn't necessarily mean I don't like you just that I don't want to bug you. People don't usually bug me if they talk to me, and, trust me, you'll know if you're bugging me.
And that's the end to the madness of this blog of explanation.
Whether it be face-to-face, a phone call, texting, or instant messaging (if you're still into that), I hate being the first one to say something. I hate being the first one to engage in conversation. It's not because I hate people or hate talking to them. On the contrary, I think people are awesome, and I love to talk. I just hate being the first one to talk.
Why? I guess there are actually a few reasons as to why I hate being the first one to talk, text, or message. First off, I'm already kind of awkward, which some may say is cute while some believe it just makes me weirder. The likelihood that the first thing I say, if I must speak first, is awkward is probably a seventy-five percent chance. I try to avoid being more awkward than necessary so please don't think I'm standoffish or rude if I haven't talked to you. Just realize I don't want to be more awkward than I have to.
The second reason I hate being the first person to talk is the fact that I'm afraid the person I'm talking to doesn't really care to talk to me. Why? Well, because I'm starting the conversation, and they're not. Maybe that's why they hadn't talked to me first to begin with. If I do start a conversation with you, know that I've already had a "what if this" "what if that" talk in my head for quite a while before I've said anything. I just don't want to be annoying or disliked, which is pretty much not completely one hundred percent preventable. It would make things a lot easier if people would talk to me first. That way I actually know you do want to talk to me. I guess that only really makes life easier for me. Sorry...
The third and final reason I'll give for not wanting to talk to someone first is that I don't want to appear to be stalking or throwing myself at a guy that I like. It kind of goes along with reason number two I suppose. Mostly, I just don't want to be annoying. It's pretty much just reason number two again mixed with a guy that I like.
So, Audrey, what's the point of this blog? Well, the point is to say that I have a fear of talking to people first. I also have a fear of being disliked; but you can't please everyone. And if you're doing something right, then there will most likely be people who don't like you. Maybe this is all a pride issue or just me being paranoid, but I thought I'd at least alert people to the reason for my madness. If I haven't talked to you in awhile, it really doesn't necessarily mean I don't like you just that I don't want to bug you. People don't usually bug me if they talk to me, and, trust me, you'll know if you're bugging me.
And that's the end to the madness of this blog of explanation.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
They tell me to just keep walking, that someday there’s going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Well, since when am I in a tunnel? And what kind of light is going to be at the end? How do I even know if I’m in this “tunnel”? And what if I don’t want to reach the end? What if the light isn’t what I wanted? What if it’s everything I hate? What if, when I get to end, there’s nothing but disappointment for my fate? What now? What do I do? Do I just keep walking? What now? Is this supposed to help me or hurt me? Just keep walking. There’s going to be a great big light at the end of the tunnel someday.
Maybe the light is good. Maybe the tunnel isn’t bad either. Maybe I should just keep walking and enjoy everything as it comes and goes. After all, if I just sit here waiting, I’ll never get the answers to my questions. I’ll never know what’s at the end or what the light may, and regret, my friends, is far greater than disappointment to me. So into the tunnel I walk with no regrets, no reserves, no retreats. Just me, a flame, and a book, and I’m on my way. Someday, there’s going to be a light at the end of that tunnel, and I just wonder what it will be. I’m not stopping ‘til I get there so I guess you can join me.
Wouldn’t it be nice to see the light together, knowing we didn’t come all this way alone? We traveled through the tunnel. I just want to see the light of the sun. Maybe I’ll even start to run. Catch me if you can, and I know you can. Run through the tunnel with me. See the light that is waiting just there, at the end of the tunnel. Someday, it’s going to be there. I promise you. Someday, we’ll look, and we’ll see it and it’s blazing glory. We’ll see it together. We’ll cry tears of joy together just because we made it. We got to the light at the end of the tunnel. And when that day is done, I think we’ll say that we lived a good life, accomplished a lot, and it would be okay if it stopped. I think I just need to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and someday it’s going to be there for you and me.
So no more questions. No more doubts. No more fights and tears and carryings-on-about. I’ve got a tunnel to walk through, just me, my flame, and book. You can join me if you want to. I surely won’t mind the company. I think it would be better if we saw the light together because someday, there’s going to be a light at the end of this tunnel.
Maybe the light is good. Maybe the tunnel isn’t bad either. Maybe I should just keep walking and enjoy everything as it comes and goes. After all, if I just sit here waiting, I’ll never get the answers to my questions. I’ll never know what’s at the end or what the light may, and regret, my friends, is far greater than disappointment to me. So into the tunnel I walk with no regrets, no reserves, no retreats. Just me, a flame, and a book, and I’m on my way. Someday, there’s going to be a light at the end of that tunnel, and I just wonder what it will be. I’m not stopping ‘til I get there so I guess you can join me.
Wouldn’t it be nice to see the light together, knowing we didn’t come all this way alone? We traveled through the tunnel. I just want to see the light of the sun. Maybe I’ll even start to run. Catch me if you can, and I know you can. Run through the tunnel with me. See the light that is waiting just there, at the end of the tunnel. Someday, it’s going to be there. I promise you. Someday, we’ll look, and we’ll see it and it’s blazing glory. We’ll see it together. We’ll cry tears of joy together just because we made it. We got to the light at the end of the tunnel. And when that day is done, I think we’ll say that we lived a good life, accomplished a lot, and it would be okay if it stopped. I think I just need to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and someday it’s going to be there for you and me.
So no more questions. No more doubts. No more fights and tears and carryings-on-about. I’ve got a tunnel to walk through, just me, my flame, and book. You can join me if you want to. I surely won’t mind the company. I think it would be better if we saw the light together because someday, there’s going to be a light at the end of this tunnel.
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